I love the smell of napalm bug spray in the morning.

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If there is an all-loving God, I would like to ask why mosquitoes exist. As far as I can see their unique purpose is to be exterminated from this earth. And that’s what I’ve set to do over the past several months.

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“In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.”

Sun Tzu

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My first months at our house featured daily morning bug spray baths, burning through multiple bottles of the stuff each week. I worried about contracting a mosquito born disease, such as severe dengue, then having trouble finding a hospital bed due to covid patients. It was unlikely, but I was being eaten alive. The enemy was everywhere and all we could do was spray, hide in the AC, scratch and curse.

Our downstairs bathroom looked liked this one morning after I sprayed the room with mosquito killer:

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“There are no words to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally.”

G.K. Chesterton

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We were under attack. I took stock of our situation and I realized we were not alone in our fight against the mosquitoes.

We had the spiders.

They were forming webs everywhere and trapping mosquitoes. In the corners of the ceilings, in the windows, on the fans. Webs covered our plants, hovered above our pond, and even made a home under my desk.

I’m no spider lover, but an enemy of my enemy is my friend, so we let the spiders be in peace.

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“An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Benjamin Franklin

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A glaring hole in our defenses was a lack of screens on all our windows (except for our bedroom). I tried, and failed, to install screens purchased from Home Depot. I eventually found a professional screen company and was put on their waiting list.

In the meantime, it was time to strike at the heart of the enemy and weaken their production.

I knew mosquitoes love standing water, so I removed dozens of beautiful bromeliads (Spanish: bromelias) that were growing on a palm outside our house. Although my research has shown mixed results on whether these water-storing flowers are mosquito breeding grounds, I preferred to be safe than sorry.

The other mosquito factory was an old jacuzzi-turned-pond that the previous owners had in the backyard. This baby weighed a ton and with some hired help and a lot of strain on my back, we were able to remove it. To my surprise there were also two catfish living in there, which we relocated to another pond.

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“Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”

Robert Oppenheimer

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At last the screens were installed and we no longer had to choose between a pleasant cross-breeze and being feasted upon.

The enemy’s production was weakened. The tide was turning. It was time for the knock out blow.

Say hello to the Dynatrap. After reading the reviews, I ordered two of these bad boys and placed them outside opposite corners of our house (note: I believe they also sell them in Bed, Bath, and Beyond here in PR). The Dynatrap uses a UV light to attract bugs and a vacuum sucks them into the trap where they eventually die off. No zapping. No chemicals. Just pure bug killing. Supposedly after a couple weeks, if placed effectively, these traps can eliminate the mosquito population in a given area completely.

I cannot express how happy I am with these traps. I haven’t worn bug spray at home since we bought them. They require weekly cleaning, but the dead bugs are great for my compost.

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After several months The Mosquito War, for the time being, seems to have subsided. Now what to do about the spiders?