I understand that talking about driving is subjective. Like many, I think people driving slower than me are stupid and people driving faster than me are crazy. Even so, I can subjectively say that Puerto Rico is the worst driving experience I’ve had in the United States.

Please note that I’m saying “driving experience.” That doesn’t mean Puerto Ricans are the worst drivers in the US; they aren’t by a long shot. I’m talking about the whole picture: the roads, the rules, the street signs and stoplights, the drivers and even the animals who run across the street. 

(As an FYI Mississippi supposedly has the worst drivers for three years running).

So what defines my Puerto Rican driving experience? 

Let’s start with the obvious — many roads here are simply in poor shape. The good roads are bumpy and the bad roads will have cars violently swerving to dodge potholes. In Puerto Rico, a pothole is called a “boquete,” which was one of the first words I learned here. My wife warns people leaving our house “to be careful with the boquetes on the road out.” The only redeeming quality of these potholes is that they are actually easier to see in the rain, as they form little pools. I also suppose their fixing could form the basis of a solid local political campaign.

Driving on dilapidated roads, occasionally clenching our butts as we hit boquetes…this is the canvas onto which we’ll try to paint my Puerto Rican driving experience. (Below each point is how I’ve learned to handle these situations so far).

• There is a possibility that some of the traffic patterns here were designed by either a sadist or by someone who has never driven a car (or both). Lanes mysteriously and suddenly end without warning signs. One way streets sometimes have buses driving the other way. Merge lanes are short or non-existent. The mountain roads are out of a video game.
  • Drive defensively; drive in the middle lane whenever possible.
• Lane dividing lines are not visible for stretches of road (this is particularly unnerving for me on the four lane highways!)
  • Try to align with the car ahead of you, or take the far left or right lane so you have the edge of the road to guide you.
• People sometimes run red lights (more common later at night).
  • When your light turns green, look both ways.
• Flashing red lights at an intersection are not treated as four-way stops. 
  • Assume the cross traffic will not stop.
• Traffic lights are out.
  • Pray.
• People drive 45 mph on any road.
  • Say out loud: “qué cabrón!”
• There is no passing lane on the highways.
  • Enjoy!
• Signs and Google Maps measure distance in kilometers, but speed limit signs are in miles per hour. Gas pumps by the liter. (A leftover from the Spanish colonial days).
  • The liter to gallon ration is roughly 4:1
• You ask yourself what is Calle Marginal?
  • On one of my first trips to Puerto Rico, Google Maps kept telling me to turn onto Calle Marginal. I knew Calle meant “street.” There were dozens of roads named Marginal so I thought this was some famous historical figure in Puerto Rican history. I later learned that “Calle marginal” means access street or side street. Many business and restaurants will have their access on the “Calle marginal” which runs parallel along the main road.

As I mentioned, I believe the average driver here is better than most other states I’ve visited (and I’ve driven in a lot of states). I’m sure this is due in no small part to the crucible these drivers are thrown into as teenagers. While it angers me how common texting and driving is, I am often amused with the irreverence towards the rules of the road (in comparison to driving in N. America). People will run red lights and do illegal u-turns and cross three lanes of traffic to catch their exit (I’ve even seen someone pass their exit and then back up in reverse… on the highway). But people will also let you in on a merge, wave you on at a tricky left turn, or give you extra room on a tight two-way street. Overall there is a neighborly feeling to the road manners and I don’t doubt that someone would stop to see if you’re okay if you were pulled over to the shoulder with car problems. I find that thought reassuring.

I’m still trying to figure out the balance of aggression and calm required to drive here sanely, but when in doubt I take it slow. Remember, taking it slow is alright when you’re living on an island!